July 14, 2011

Hope: For Better from Worse


(Image taken from the Internet)


Some days are just bad, no matter what you do; something will end up fucking your mind completely. I am not well today yet I pushed myself and did a few things so I can sit in peace. I did them cos I just don’t feel I might have energy later and want to utilize the time I have when I am feeling fine. Then this horrible horrible fight just happened between some close parties. I was called for help out of despair, not that I wouldn’t have gone on my own but I would have taken some time cos fights of this kind really scare the shit out of me! On a normal day I start feeling sick when such things happen and today I feel even worse. Honestly when I was called, I went with so much dread in my heart that I only know how I took those steps to go there. So, I go to play peacemaker, one person I am closest to is not ready to listen, the other – the son of a mother who despises me immensely was also in tears. So, I take him and his younger brother with me for a talk to calm them.

Finally I make some headway and this sweet kid starts to calm down, and walks in his Mother who was not present at the scene. I offer her a seat; tell her why he is crying and she starts. She starts lamenting shit about her life, picking very carefully only those things where I am involved - where she feels I have wronged her. I offer her water, and tell her to calm down as the focus of the fight is another matter. Her two sons who were calm are becoming sad seeing her. She doesn’t realize how she is affecting them. The older one starts crying again, the younger one who was so quiet and normal also bursts into tears. I take him into my lap and calm him down. I console the older one too. I speak to her, but she is carrying on her own tirade of saying crap against me in an indirect manner.

First the fight was not about us, I was nowhere in the picture, yet she chose it as an apt time to spill the venom in her heart against me. Second I was playing peacemaker, atleast she could have appreciated that but she didn’t see that also. Third, if nothing I was taking care of her kids in her absence but that also she couldn’t understand – would she have ever done that had I had any kids and had our roles been reversed – I am pretty sure no! Fourth, the kids were calm but her demeanor affected them badly, so she could have atleast changed it for their sake but she didn’t. Fifth, she saw they became disturbed after hearing her, cos what she was saying was utter rubbish but scary rubbish and very very scary rubbish for small kids, she saw they are crying but she made not a single attempt to console her own children – what kind of heartless female does that? Last but not the least, she knew I was not well, but that also didn’t arouse any pity in her cold stone heart. I guess one cannot expect that a woman who doesn't care for her own kids’ condition can really see or empathize with the condition of other human beings. I can’t change her, but I atleast expect her to be civil, to realize that I am also a human being. Maybe that’s an impossible task.

I just wish I was not here today, but maybe if I was somewhere else I would have faced a rotten day anyways. Here’s hoping the rest of the day goes better somehow. I hope it will.

2 comments:

  1. Sorry you found yourself caught between a rock and a hardplace but it sounds like you did what I would have done. Comforting children is definitely more essential than comforting grown-ups, especially those are are so ignorant of their effect on those around them. I'll quote Leo Tolstoy from Anna Karenina- "There was no solution, but that universal solution which life gives to all questions, even the most complex and insoluble. That answer is: one must live in the needs of the day – that is, forget oneself. To forget himself in sleep was impossible now, at least till nighttime; he could not go back now to the music sung by the decanter-women; so he must forget himself in the dream of daily life." Hope you were able to forget about this side of life for the rest of the day.

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  2. Hi, thanks. Yes, at the end of it, I was glad I was there for those kids :)

    Sometimes its important to forget ourselves and put others' first for our own personal satisfaction if for nothing else.

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