I have been running behind happiness for quite some time now. Somehow since the end of last year, things haven't been that great. There have been times when I have really given up, tired of fighting, wishing, waiting and most of all hoping for things to get okay.
I even tried not to dwell on things but couldn't stop myself from thinking too much. As a result I became really stressed out. I can't sleep properly at night, don't enjoy the things I liked doing as much.
Two weeks ago I kind of gave up. Then I realized maybe I am just trying too hard. I need to make a conscious effort to stop myself from thinking and wishing and waiting.
I hate waiting and its really tough for me to wait. Patience is not one of my highest virtues either. I wasn't happy, just restless and sad all the time. Yet it wasn't until last sunday that I decided I was loosing myself and need to do something fast. I was just falling in a hole of despair and sorrow, and it was having a huge effect on even my interactions with my loved ones.
I decided I need to stop thinking and wishing and waiting. I need to accept what I have now and be content with it. Stop running after what I had and what's slipping away. If I can't enjoy my old interests as much then I need to develop new ones and get started.
I started blogging again. I was never really big on it and really started to distract myself from my problems this time around.
The sunday that just passed brought me some hope and happiness. Today I got another teeny weeny bit of hopefully good news. My battles are still on, I haven't won but I am not loosing either anymore.
Happiness is returning, and not because I stopped running after it but because I discovered that it always was there, only I wasn't able to see it.